The Light

The light that shone out bright in youth,

The light that gleamed beneath her eyes,

Lit up her world and the darker hues,

Bowed in respect to the brighter light.

Her every glance with wonder brimmed,

Her every step an upright march,

Inspired by the sparkling lure,

Of starry skies and dreams to torch.

The minutes leap into the years,

Wounds do heal but leave their mark,

The light that shone out bright in youth,

Replaced but by a mellow spark.

She dreams but dreams with caution brim,

Laced with fear and lined with doubt,

For unlike age or wealth or love,

Dreams humble as does time run out.

Often times it may appear,

That elusive light, a thing of past,

She seeks then that word, song or prayer,

That lights but even a fleeting spark.

SHAME

Red hot, red hot,
Slithering, crawling, glowing,
Red hot, red hot
Slithering, crawling, and growing.

Outside to inside,
Head to Toe,
Mouths Open, Words spoken,
Red Hot Woe.

Red hot, red hot,
Slithering, crawling, receding,
Red hot, red hot
Slithering, crawling, and retreating.

Red fades,
Replaced with black,
Words Spoken,
Replaced with shame.

Blank Sheets and Blue Skies

Growing up I hated going to school. Now I’m sure most kids hate going to school, but I didn’t hate school in a hate the learning process, would rather watch cartoons sort of way. I hated it with all the spite that a shy, awkward, eight year old with a bad haircut and a persistently runny nose can muster. Despite the brightly colored classroom and the big huge playground with the jungle gym, school can be a scary place, especially if, try as you might you just cannot remember the eight times table, the day Mrs Gupchup decides to take a tables test, or if you were not asked to be a part of the newly formed ‘Mystery Club’ which disappears very ‘mysteriously’ every lunch break. Or worst of all, Mrs Jalan doesn’t give you the part of Gretel in the school play, even though deep within, you know you deserve it the most.

So as every shy, awkward, eight year old would do, I would kick up a fuss, in my most non-shy, non-awkward, eight year old way, each morning before leaving for school. All in the hope that I could guilt my mother into letting me stay at home ‘just one day’. Every weekday morning consisted of alternating tearful pleas with temper tantrums. Every weekday morning, except Friday. Everything about Friday was different. Mornings didn’t start with the usual guilt trips, the school gates didn’t look nearly as menacing as they ordinarily did, and the brightly colored walls did actually manage to bring some sort of cheer to the otherwise intimidating classroom. Friday’s held infinite promise; they were about blue skies and goblins, picnics and fairies. Friday was the day that Mrs Jalan opened the neatly stacked brown packages while 32 pairs of eager eyes looked on. Friday was ‘kitchen paper’ day. Every Friday morning, Mrs Jalan distributed one blank sheet of recycled paper a.k.a ‘kitchen paper’ to each one of us, to do as we please. Blank sheets of paper are a respite to shy, awkward, eight year olds. Every Friday morning between 9 and 11 a.m. I wasn’t just a shy, awkward, eight year old, I was an astronaut, or a ‘grown up’ or sometimes even Gretel in the school play. ‘Kitchen paper’ was my inspiration.

I’m not eight any more. I’m 24, not shy, not awkward, or atleast I pretend not to be. Blank sheets of paper are a respite to 24 year old risk consultants. They hold the same promise that they did several years ago. Everyone has something that inspires them, the ocean, the sky or the stars. A blank sheet of white paper is my inspiration.

ZARA HAT KE!! ZARA BACCH KE!!

As Indians we are part of the 1 Billion strong community that makes up 1/6th of the entire human race. Being one amongst this billion has its advantages, mainly - you’re never alone. No matter which part of the world you choose to inhabit – be it The Mighty Apple or tiny insignificant Malawi, you can never be too far away from a Hinglish Speaking, Cricket Loving, Tobacco chewing Desi. The downside to this situation, - you’re never alone!! even if you desperately, frantically, urgently wish to be so.

LEG 1 – Pursuit of the Toilet

Fact 1 – Average Family Size: 6.4

A regular Mumbai day in the life of a regular Mumbai Ramesh, begins a tad differently from your average Nescafe mornings. Instead of waking up to a peaceful, soothing musical score, Ramesh wakes up to the commotion and clamor of 5.4 people rushing to ‘start the day with great taste’. From then on, it’s a fight to the finish, a mad race where each individual is left to fend for himself, and only the fittest survive. The first leg of the race begins with the pursuit of the toilet. Now with 6.4 people looking to use the toilet at roughly the same time, our regular Ramesh can apply one of 3 strategies to gain control of the toilet.

Strategy 1 – The Early Bird Catches the Worm (in our case, the worm being the toilet)

Strategy 2 – The Latest Riser Catches a few extra minutes of sleep and peaceful use of the toilet premises.

Strategy 3 – Knocking on Heaven’s Door (in our case, heaven being the toilet), based on experience we have discovered that loud knocking on the toilet door combined with bad singing helps reduce average time taken in the bathroom of the current occupant.

As you can see, all three strategies have their individual advantages, thus the strategy selected depends greatly on the personality of the individual seeking to use the toilet.

LEG 2 – The Big Red Bus

Fact 2 – Mumbai Population : 13 million

On successfully completing Leg 1 of the race, our Regular Ramesh has honed his survival instincts enough to now be unleashed unto the big bad streets of Mumbai City. Leg 2 of the race consists of the bus ride to the station.

Although this may seem like a fairly easy task to the inexperienced reader, I assure you it is not as easy as it seems. You see, the challenge to this task lies in not only getting onto the bus, but also gaining possession of the prized few unoccupied seats whilst ensuring that all your possessions - money, mobile phones etc remain intact.
Based on experience I would say the best way to cross this leg of the race would be by applying the ‘GET- SET- GO’ strategy. The get set go strategy involves quickly scrambling into the take off position once the big red bus has been spotted in the distance so as to enable our regular Ramesh to be amongst the first few to get onto the bus and obtain custody of the prized seats.

LEG 3 – Rail Gaadi

Fact 3 - Over 4 million people use the Mumbai train network daily

Leg 3 brings our Regular Ramesh to the most challenging part of the race – The ordeal of the Mumbai local train journey. I warn you, this leg of the race is not for the faint hearted and many a contestant has succumbed to the pressures at this point, and switched to lesser efficient but definitely more comfortable alternatives such as AC buses and Taxis.

However our Regular Ramesh is not one amongst these individuals, you see, he has a powerful instrument to help get him through this most grueling leg of the journey, and that instrument is - the much in demand, much appreciated ‘First Class Railway Pass’.

The First Class Railway Pass entitles Ramesh to certain privileges which are absent in the case of non pass holders, these include ‘a fourth seat’ (a fourth seat, noun : defined as a tiny space on a cushioned green seat designed to fit one fourth of an individuals behind) and deodorized sweat. These privileges ensure that our Regular Ramesh is well rested by the time he reaches the destination of his choice.

LEG 4 – The Rickshawallah is King

Having completed three quarters of the race, including the most formidable part, and being so close to the finish, our Regular Ramesh now tends to become a little smug. This is where the final part of the race comes into play.

There is nothing like the repeated rejections of the rickshawallahs to bring our Regular Ramesh back to his regular humble self. Persistence is the key in this part of the race. If at once you don’t succeed, try, try ,try again. It’s a simple law of averages, the higher the number of rickshawallahs one approaches, the greater the chance that the rickshawallah will actually agree to take you to the final destination.

Naturally after the completion of such a challenging race, our Regular Rameshs of Mumbai are going to be exhausted, and would most definitely look forward to a well deserved nap when they reach their offices, schools or colleges. I wouldn’t grudge them that, would you??

A Steady Hand

Sleepless Nights, fear, pain,
Recurring dreams, again and again,
People walking leaving me behind,
People talking, with me on the side.

An urgent whisper,
A devoted prayer,
A steady hand in all my despair,
A genuine thought, a comforting word,
Brings me back to my peaceful world.

People walking along with me,
People talking, even to me.

Nos(e)talgia

My soul floats away on perfume as other men's on music.
- Baudelaire

Recently, as I sat in a cab, waiting to be transported to the train station, I caught a whiff of my friend Rohini's perfume. I was instantly transported back in time to Maths lessons with Mrs Laghate, in my 7th standard classroom.

What amazes me about the human brain, is its ability to subconsciously record minute details about the environment around us, and use those as triggers to bring back vivid memories of times long gone. What’s even more amazing, is that these memories bring back the distinct feelings associated with those periods in our lives.

The smell of the first rains brings back that nervous anticipation associated with new beginnings. The flowery fragrance of anais anais - all the excitement and bliss of first loves and first kisses. The musty smell of old books takes me back to the hours spent at Kum Kum Library discovering the magical world of the far away tree and the five find outers. Mangoes – the glorious days of summer vacations and endless hours of Cartoon network.

How many times have we all wished that we could go back and relive a particular period in our lives. Proustian Memory as scientists call this phenomenon allows us the opportunity to do just that, if only for a few brief seconds.

Ephemeral Bliss

Sunday mornings.....My Big Red Mug of Tea....Newspapers....Long Baths....Calvin and Hobbes.....Favourite Songs.....Cloudy Days....

Ever experience those moments in which you believe life is perfect? The realization that you don't need other people or things to make you happy? That simple moment of complete self fulfillment - episodic self actualization - that comes from within....

I live for moments such as these....